To Wish Impossible Things

So I am sure you are all keen to know how my weekend trip was.

It started off great, we took highway 101 down the coast, and saw some incredible views. The Oregon coastline is impressive, the sheer number of trees, the high rising Cliffside and craggy beaches, as you travel south the cliffs turn to long and high dunes, like I’ve never seen before. We spent the night at Coos Bay, and left early for Crater Lake. The drive to Crater Lake was also impressive, especially as we started to move into the mountains following the Umpqua rivers.

We stopped off at Diamond Lake for lunch, I had a little splash in the Lake, then back in the car. I can not describe Crater Lake well enough to give do it justice, nor do the photos give it justice. Ryan and I discussed this a little, and decided part of the beauty and awe of crater lake, is that as you drive through the mountains to get to it, you’d have no idea it was there. Its not until you get to the top of the rim do you see it. Its incredibly blue. Crater lake was created about 7,700 years ago when Mt Mazama erupted and collapsed in on its self. Over time, the crater has filled with rain water and melted snow, the Lake is 1.963 feet deep, and about 5 miles across.

We spent a few hours driving around the lake, getting out of the car at every opportunity to take photos and enjoy the scenery. One stop was at the pinnacles, they remind me of the architecture created by Gaudi, but of course were created long before his time. They were created when Mt Mazama erupted. Hot gas was pushed through the ground and fumaroles were created. Over time as rain and melted snow etched the landscape the pinnacles were revealed.

After making the round trip of Crater Lake we headed to Chemult for our lodgings. Chemult is a small town of 75 people. Our motel was the first on in town, so we pulled in checked in, then headed out for dinner. We ended up at the Chalet for dinner, we had a great rib-eye then went into the bar. We expected to just be there for an hour or two… well how wrong could we have been… it was 1am by the time we left and many drinks later. There wasn’t many people in the bar, but the people that we there were extremely friendly. The karaoke was in full swing within no time at all. If you’ve been to my blog much before, you’ll be aware of my feelings regarding karaoke and my ability to sing… well, with enough drinks I was up there singing a duo with Lea, I don’t think it was too bad.

As last call was called, Ryan and I left and went back to our motel to rest up for the long drive the next day. We this is where the perfect weekend turned sour. We got into a conversation which lead to Ryan telling me that he is not in love with me. He told me he wanted to be, that I am what he wants, but there is just something missing. So that’s it, the wbf becomes xbf.

The drive back home to Portland yesterday was long, I spent the whole time with tears rolling down my face trying to piece it all together – when the cure song “To Wish Impossible Things” pops up on Ryan’s iPod, it just seemed to sum up the whole situation perfectly.

Now we are both trying to figure out what happens now. We are tied into the lease, and neither of us can easily afford to pay the rent on our own, so at least in the short-term we will still be living together.

I know that the pain I am feeling at the moment will disappear with time, and I am just looking for the positives and opportunities that will arise from all this.

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