Apology (of sorts)

I have been neglecting my poor blog this past month.  There’s been multiple reasons for this.  My life has had a lot of changes lately, and I’ve been taking some time to let the dust settle and get back into my groove.  The past couple of weeks I’ve had the opportunity to meet up with some friends that I haven’t seen in a couple of years.  These meetings have really opened my eyes to how much I’ve “grown” over the last two/three years.  3 years ago I had no self-esteem, there were long periods of time were I even hated myself.  Such a different person from who I am now.  I surrounded myself with people who were not really good for me.  We were all struggling together, but rather than trying to give each other emotional support we beat each other down more.

I have always been a relatively strong person, I just didn’t know it.  I’ve had depression for a large chunk of my life, I first became aware of it when I was 12.  I’ve never taken any medication to combat this but instead I realized that we do have some control over our emotions, we can influence the way that we react and deal with the things that life throws at us.

These days I am happy with my life and the path that I have chosen to take, even with the recent changes in it.  I am extremely happy that I moved to Portland, as it is now home to me, and has really helped me to finally feel somewhat settled.  Before moving here, I was looking for something new every year, be it my job, the country I lived in or any number of things.

I will be back to this blog soon, in the meantime check back occasionally, I’ll be posting here and there.

Escape

 While I am doing my writing class, I am sorry, but you are stuck with reading some of my assignments :)


I have a candle lit near my computer, this one was a birthday gift from a friend, called tense lady formula, I must have been stressed out that time of year, for he must have felt I needed some help to unwind, there's not much of it left. Its warm flickering light distracts my eye from the screen, grabbing my attention. There must be a draft in my room as it bounces around casting shadows on the white walls and curtains, sharing its warm yellow glow with them. As the wax starts to melt I can smell the gentle lavender fragrance, it's subtle, but if I breathe in I notice it. Lavender reminds me of my mother's garden back home, there is so much lavender growing there, it almost takes over. In a while the wax will start to drip down the sides of the candle, as if it's trying to escape, each droplet running over the previous in an attempt to get away, but there is no where for it to go other than to the base of the votive holder, where the flame will catch up to it eventually.

The room where I write

I have been lost for things to write on my blog lately. Partly due to the fact that I just began a writing class and it would seem I have an internal quota on the number of words I can write in a day or week. Kind of like the theory that women need to speak 'x' number of words within a day to be 'happy'. I am pretty confident it was a man that came up with that theory... but whatever.

So in the lack of things to write about, you get to see one of my writing class assignments... its not supposed to be good... its free writing...

The room where I write

It’s always dark in this room. I have no ceiling lights, just lamps spread out around the room, which give off a warm yellow glow. I like to light candles this time of year as they make the room seem warmer, and add to the glow of the artificial light. My white couches are starting to look really sad, they need new cushions, or to be restuffed. They’ve been used a lot over the past 8 years. I got them from a friend when I first moved into my own apartment. One of them even has a petrol stain on the cover from one of my moves when it was dropped in a puddle. They are well used, but unfortunately not well loved.

The TV takes up far too much of the room, left over from a broken relationship. I’d wanted a flat screen, but he won out in the discussion, no I have a ridiculous TV eating up the space of my room. The carpet is a mess, my cats leave fluff all over it as they run around playing tag, jumping over each other and anything else that gets in the way.

Gay Marriage - What's the big deal?

This Saturday, November 15th 10:30am PST/1:30pm EST a Protest is being held across the USA against Prop 8.

I have to admit, I was excited last week when Obama was elected. This was closely followed by disappointment as the ballot results came in:

Arizona: Ban on Gay Marriage
Arkansas: Ban on Gay Couple adopting children
California: Ban on Gay Marriage
Florida: Ban on Gay Marriage

Each on of these bans went through.

I really struggle to understand why the majority of people believe that gay marriage and gay adoption is wrong. Some of the arguments that I have heard in support of the bans include how marriage is sacred (then why do we allow divorce?), children have the right to a loving mother and father (yet many children are abused by straight parents).

Really, want impact does it have on a person if a gay couple, who love each other get married. Does it really matter? Why shouldn’t two people that love each other be able to be together, and be able to commit to each other in the same way that a straight person can. Why should your sexual orientation affect your rights as a human?

It is a common misconception is that GLBT folks choose “the gay lifestyle”. The only choice involved is the choice to be honest with yourself, and open with others, and to come to terms with all that you are, and to integrate that into your life. Just as straight people do not choose who they fall in love with, neither do gay people. Sure there’s a choice on whether you spend your life with that person, but you don’t choose who you are in love with.

Please take time on Saturday and attend the protest in your area, see here for more information about the Protest Prop 8, I’ll be at the Portland one.

Refugees Unite

I haven’t written for a couple of weeks. I’ve had some things going on in my personal life, and I need to focus on myself for a bit. However my past 2 weeks pale to insignificance compared to what has happened in the lives of some many other people. Of course, experiences are relative, but still I count myself lucky for the relatively easy life I have been given.

Today is November 10th, today many bloggers are uniting to write about refugees, with the hoping of increasing awareness. The Bloggers Unite initiative was designed to harness expression in support of human rights and issues in need of highlight. Refugees United is the only online, highly secure and anonymous possibility of refugees to reconnect with family.

Today I got up out of bed, after hitting the alarm clocks snooze button 3 times, I just wasn’t quite ready to crawl out of my nice warm bed. I took a hot shower, got dressed, fed my cats and headed out the door to work. Once at work I said my cheery good mornings to the people at the desks I pass on the way to my own. I had a short banter with my co-worker then sat down to do my work. I received a short message from my mum. Today was a “normal” day.

I can’t even begin to imagine how I would react if I was suddenly picked up from my home in the early hours of the morning and taken captive. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have to leave my life behind because of my safety. I have moved several times not only to new cities but to new countries, but it was always a choice. I never had to make the move. I have left my family behind in Europe, but I know they are safe and well. I talk to them multiple times a week. I can not even begin to imagine living a life where I have no idea where my brother is. I may not see him often, but I know he’s well, and safe. We chat a couple of times a week. If I was unable to reach him, I would not sleep or rest until I knew he was safe.

To have to run to a country, with no job, no friends, unable to speak the language and make myself understood would be hard enough, and then to add to that the knowledge that I may never see family and friends again would be so much to bear.

I can not even begin to imagine life as a refugee. Yet, many people live this life. They leave family behind, they are taken captive, they end up in countries and cultures they know nothing about and have to try and make a life for themselves. They are often met with prejudice and distrust from the locals in the areas they move to.

“The ongoing problem of people torn from their homes is something that should, and must, concern us all, in order to find a common solution and bring back life and dignity to the millions suffering.” Bloggers Unite

I read several refugees stories this morning, I didn't want to just copy and paste, but if you'd like to find out more you can go to:
Red Cross
Refugees International

White House Breakfast

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.

The attractive young waitress asked Mr. Cheney what he would like, and he replied, 'I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.'

'And what can I get for you, Mr. President?' George W. looked up from his menu and replied with his trademark wink and slight grin, 'How about a quickie this morning?'

'Why, Mr. President!' the waitress exclaimed 'How rude! You're starting to act like President Clinton,' and then she stormed away.

Cheney leaned over to Bush and whispered . . . 'It's pronounced 'quiche'.'